Catching up

I have several different things to write about today so I think I will do a couple of new posts.  I'm trying to catch up a bit.

Shortly after posting my last blog with the dahlia photo I was contacted by a friend from highschool -- Melissa.  She gave me the tragic news that our mutual friend Michelle had passed away the day before and that it was suicide.  I was absolutely shocked that Michelle was gone, but not as shocked about how she left us.  Michelle had always struggled with thoughts of suicide, for as long as I've know her.  I spent many afternoons after school on the phone with her trying to tell her the reasons to keep living.  We had lots of joyful times too though.  Melissa told me Michelle was bi-polar.  I had lost track of Michelle a few years ago and only recently had found her on facebook.  We were catching up with each other and even planning on getting together in November (Michelle, Melissa, Heidi and me - just like old times).  Now she is gone and we won't get that chance. 

 I was quite upset about it at first but it is starting to feel less painful now.  I am trying to focus on the good times we had together and not on the times we could have had in the future.  I'm trying not to beat myself up for the should haves and could haves (should have called her more, could have made more time for her, etc).  If Michelle only knew how much everybody loved her...